


hell is what you make it

by wethethousands (atlantisairlock)



Category: Nikita (TV 2010)
Genre: Angst, Canon Universe, F/F, Not Canon Compliant, Season/Series 01
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-22
Updated: 2014-09-22
Packaged: 2018-02-18 09:23:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2343365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atlantisairlock/pseuds/wethethousands
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Because all she's ever known how to say, is <i>goodbye.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	hell is what you make it

**Author's Note:**

> title from the breathe carolina album.

It's honestly not as if she was the one pitting herself against Jaden from the minute she was initiated into Division. She'd rather have kept out of the other recruit's way for the entirety of her journey, just finished her stint and get out of the silo so she could start  _really_ working with Nikita. 

Sometimes Alex thinks she resents Jaden; thinks she might hate her for the unnecessary roadblocks she's had to methodically crash through to keep her cover under wraps and to keep herself safe; hate her for her adversarial attitude towards herself. Hell, she probably does. 

So now, looking at Jaden bleeding out on the floor of her flat, why is she breathless, why does the burn in her throat and chest feel like she's setting herself on fire, why does she want to scream and beg for someone to  _please, save her?_

Alex ends up chalking it up to human decency as she chases Nathan away, assuring him that she'll fix everything. Human decency; that's all it is, that's the only reason why she kneels beside Jaden and tries to stem the bleeding, to no avail. She's losing her. Alex knows that; knows that neither can she do anything to prevent it - which does nothing for the guilt running through her veins. 

Jaden's breathing is shallow, coming in erratic gasps; her pulse is weak under Alex's two fingers. Jaden closes her eyes and reaches out blindly for Alex's hand. "Hold me," she whispers, cracked and hoarse, with more tenderness and need in the words than Alex's ever heard coming from the other agent. "Please." 

Alex does; lifts her into her arms and cradles her as gently as possible, holds her until the minute rise and fall of Jaden's chest halts and her heartbeat slows to nothing. She chokes back a sob, lets her slide back down onto the cold tiles. 

And after all that, after she manages to calm herself and stops throwing up into the sink - she leaves.

Because all she's ever known how to say, is _goodbye_. 


End file.
